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Some of the most common behavioral problems in children
- not doing chores
- back talking
- being disrespectful
- not getting homework done
- being mean to siblings
- school problems
Please help! I feel like I've hit a brick wall with my child!
Does your family feel fragmented? Do you long for more closeness?
Thankfully, this is a scenario that you can do something about - and you can start right now.
Here are a couple of things you can do right away to make forward, positive movement.
1. Read through the free short report "10 Ways to Reconnect With Your Family". This report will encourage you to take control of your family's everyday schedule and intentionally build togetherness. You will never regret taking the time and effort to do this and you know what else? Building a tight-knit family means you are automatically empowering your kids to listen to you as they grow and stay close to your influence.
That's what healthy relationships are all about.
IMPORTANT: If you are struggling with a disruptive youngster, you know you need to help your child in his frustrations. If things have just started to get challenging, you may wonder if you even have a problem or not.
2. Print out our Behavior Log. Use it to keep track of your child's behavior for a week or two. Then you'll have a better idea of what you're really dealing with. Doing this one thing can help give you clarity and perspective.
3. Common behavioral problems in children are extremely frustrating. Is the situation with your child still more than you know how to handle? Then take a deep breath and another step towards finding the right solution for you and your child. Head over to Empowering Parents where you will find an enormous amount of articles and conversation written by common sense experts and other parents who have been in the trenches, too. I have found this can really help.
What causes some of the most common behavioral problems in
- lack of structure or guidance
- difficulties at home
- difficulties at school
- genetic predisposition
This is only a partial list, of course, of causes of common behavioral
problems in children, but it is a good start. Let's examine each of
these from a parenting standpoint.
Lack of structure or guidance that leads to behavioral
problems in children.
As parents, we cannot control our children, but we do have a vast
amount of influence. Our real job is to help our children develop self-control.
How do we do that?
We use structure and guidance to teach our children how the world works
and how they fit in in a productive and satisfying way. It may sound
simplistic, but time-honored structures such as
- regular dinnertimes
- bedtime routines
- family nights
- daily homework time
- and family play
can all be used in an intentional way to build a strong family
framework and teach children how to structure their time, manage their
emotions, work together as a team and build self-discipline. These all
contribute to developing self-control.
On the other hand
are current cultural norms that are working against you as a parent.
These problems you can control. Consider replacing them with healthy alternatives.
- regular unsupervised TV, movie, or music exposure
- unsupervised video game or computer usage
- lack of intentional character training
- lack of care given to the choosing of friends
- unsupervised free time
Difficulties at home or school can cause common behavioral
Some problems at home or school cannot be avoided. Life IS problems.
However, as parents, if we work to minimize the unnecessary problems in
our children's daily lives we go a longs ways towards minimizing the
problems they develop.
The first trick to solving problems is in facing them. If your
having behavioral problems at school, don't ignore those issues and
hope they are a phase. Talk to your child and the school. Find out
facts as best you can. Remember, your child is a young immature human
who can make mistakes without even realizing it. And remember that
teachers, administrators and other children are simply people, too,
with problems of their own.
Work to fix the school challenges you can and teach your child
problem solving skills for the problems that cannot be fixed.
Home problems can be trickier.
If your home is undergoing serious upheaval, such as divorce, illness,
moving, etc., now is the time for extra patience for everyone in the
family. Children especially don't have the experience or perspective to
handle highly emotional incidents well. Adults are often uncomfortable
about what to say or do in these challenging situations.
If that scenario sounds familiar to you, consider getting some outside
help through counseling, pastoral care or the wide range of parenting
resources available to you (books, classes, cd's). Look for another
parent you admire and ask them to mentor you through this difficult
season of life. Your strength or anxiety can get passed on to your
child, so it's
important you care for yourself first.
Genetic predisposition can add to behavioral problems in
We all have genetic quirks we've inherited. Generally, we can learn
problem solving skills that can help us strengthen these weaknesses so
they are less of a bother or even no bother at all. Personal growth
should be a central pillar in each of us.
As a parent, you are in a great position to know your child and his
genetic makeup. Just make sure you don't let your child use this
information as an excuse for bad behavior. There are many great books
and resources (like this article) available to learn and practice
problem solving skills.
The same child who can learn to problem solve with his video
game can also learn to do his homework and be respectful.
Want more information? Take a look at this helpful article entitled ”You’re making me crazy!” When You’re at the End of
Your Parenting Rope.
If you want to know what parenting program I can recommend that helps parents with struggling kids, that would be The Total Transformation program, hands down. Part of why this program works is because it supports parents extremely well.
What to do with a child with very
serious behavior problems
Consequences in elementary
school for bad behavior
Behavior problems in school age
Teenage behavior modification
Behavior modification in children
Behavior modification strategies
Remember, I am giving you my thoughts as a long time parent, not as a
therapist. This website does not dispense professional, medical, or
Please consult a qualified professional about your own situation.
Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 29 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms around the globe at www.paintedgold.com.
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