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How to deal with teenager attitudes.
Surly? Moody? Rude? Uncooperative?
Does this describe the teenager in your home?
When you are learning how to deal with disrespectul teenagers and all
their various attitudes, mindsets and issues, it helps to gain
some perspective. An objective way of looking at the teen years that
will help you handle your teenager calmly and effectively.
How to deal with teenagers attitudes by understanding the teen
There are some straightforward things every parent of a teenager ought
to know. For example, by nature, humans are selfish creatures and teens
are dealing with a heavy dose of selfishness.
They want what they want, when they want it.
Sounds a bit like when they were a two year old, doesn't it?
Only at this stage of life, your teen is in a position to take action
on those selfish urges. Your job when learning how to deal
with teenager attitudes and challenges is to teach and guide your teen
to mold those urges into
Hm. Ask your teen what he is doing today that will make life better for
someone else tomorrow. That's called purpose and instilling a
strong sense of it into your teen is one of the very best ways to deal
with attitude problems.
- productive and useful behavior. Things like school, sports and a
- the ability to delay gratification. That means being able to do
work first and play second.
- a sense of living for the greater good. For example, your
teenager probably wants to drive a car. Someone (a lot of someones,
actually) forced themself to learn about cars and mechanics (study),
put themself into a schedule of doing what someone else asked them to
do (work) and stayed with it until a useful product was completed (a
Because a teenager (or anyone else, for that matter) who understands
that she has a unique position to fill in the world realizes just how
special she is. At that point she is highly motivated to do whatever it
takes to fulfil that unique position and receive the highly personlized
rewards that only she can receive.
Don't believe you can deal with teenager issues like attitude
problems by helping your teen to develop a strong and personal sense of
purpose for his life? Just take a look at yourself and how you
are motivated to stick with the daily grind.
Somewhere, at some point in your life, you decided that having a roof
over your head and food in your tummy was better than the alternative.
So you took the steps necessary to make those things happen.
Now, that's a low level but vital sense of purpose. It works because
most people want a better life for themselves and their families than
Now, think about the times in your life that you have flown out of bed
in the morning, eager to start your day and enthusiastic about the work
ahead of you (hopefully that's on a somewhat regular basis). What makes
the difference? What motivates you to feel that way? Usually it's a
strong sense of purpose that what you are about to accomplish with your
day is helpful, productive and needed.
And what was your attitude like? Was it
Probably not. And you're probably getting the picture, too, of
how to deal with defiant teenagers,
attitudes and why a teen who feels like he is just going through the
motions can easily become hard to live with, both for himself and
- or rude?
Here is an excellent article about this same topic. How to Deal with Teens with Attitude
You won't be able to talk your teenager into a better attitude just
because you "say so", but you can understand how his lack of experience
in the real world means he sees no reason to temper his sense of
selfishness and shift his own attitude. And then you can provide him
with credible boundaries and consequences that will enable him to start
to gain that real world experience, bit by bit.
If this makes sense, but you know you could use more structured,
step-by-step support, then sign up for my ezine, I Love My Child (see sign up box above). We'll learn together how
to handle the daily behaviors and actions that you face working out how
to deal with teenager attitudes.
Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 29 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms around the globe at www.paintedgold.com.
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