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How to deal with teenager attitudes

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How to deal with teenager attitudes.

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Surly? Moody? Rude? Uncooperative?

Does this describe the teenager in your home?

When you are learning how to deal with disrespectul teenagers and all their various attitudes, mindsets and issues, it helps to gain some perspective. An objective way of looking at the teen years that will help you handle your teenager calmly and effectively.

How to deal with teenagers attitudes by understanding the teen mindset.

There are some straightforward things every parent of a teenager ought to know. For example, by nature, humans are selfish creatures and teens are dealing with a heavy dose of selfishness.

They want what they want, when they want it.

Sounds a bit like when they were a two year old, doesn't it?

Only at this stage of life, your teen is in a position to take action on those selfish urges. Your job when learning how to deal with teenager attitudes and challenges is to teach and guide your teen to mold those urges into
  • productive and useful behavior. Things like school, sports and a job.
  • the ability to delay gratification. That means being able to do work first and play second.
  • a sense of living for the greater good. For example, your teenager probably wants to drive a car. Someone (a lot of someones, actually) forced themself to learn about cars and mechanics (study), put themself into a schedule of doing what someone else asked them to do (work) and stayed with it until a useful product was completed (a car).
Hm. Ask your teen what he is doing today that will make life better for someone else tomorrow. That's called purpose and instilling a strong sense of it into your teen is one of the very best ways to deal with attitude problems.


Because a teenager (or anyone else, for that matter) who understands that she has a unique position to fill in the world realizes just how special she is. At that point she is highly motivated to do whatever it takes to fulfil that unique position and receive the highly personlized rewards that only she can receive.

Don't believe you can deal with teenager issues like attitude problems by helping your teen to develop a strong and personal sense of purpose for his life? Just take a look at yourself and how you are motivated to stick with the daily grind.

Somewhere, at some point in your life, you decided that having a roof over your head and food in your tummy was better than the alternative. So you took the steps necessary to make those things happen.

Now, that's a low level but vital sense of purpose. It works because most people want a better life for themselves and their families than homelessness.

Now, think about the times in your life that you have flown out of bed in the morning, eager to start your day and enthusiastic about the work ahead of you (hopefully that's on a somewhat regular basis). What makes the difference? What motivates you to feel that way? Usually it's a strong sense of purpose that what you are about to accomplish with your day is helpful, productive and needed.

And what was your attitude like? Was it
  • surly,
  • moody,
  • uncooperative,
  • or rude?
Probably not. And you're probably getting the picture, too, of how to deal with defiant teenagers, attitudes and why a teen who feels like he is just going through the motions can easily become hard to live with, both for himself and others.

Here is an excellent article about this same topic. How to Deal with Teens with Attitude

You won't be able to talk your teenager into a better attitude just because you "say so", but you can understand how his lack of experience in the real world means he sees no reason to temper his sense of selfishness and shift his own attitude. And then you can provide him with credible boundaries and consequences that will enable him to start to gain that real world experience, bit by bit.

If this makes sense, but you know you could use more structured, step-by-step support, then sign up for my ezine, I Love My Child (see sign up box above). We'll learn together how to handle the daily behaviors and actions that you face working out how to deal with teenager attitudes.

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