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How do YOU handle disrespectful teenagers?
Mothering (or fathering) a disrespectful teenager can be exhausting.
Does this describe how you feel as a parent? Then take a fresh look at
these guidelines and see if you can customize them for your homelife.
Handle disrespectful teenagers by setting firm boundaries.
Part of dealing with disrespect is setting up a respectful home
overall. You, as Mom or Dad, are in a great position to evaluate the
"respect temperature" in your home. I cannot emphasize enough the
importance of this one point. Set clear and age-appropriate boundaries
with your teen. Explain you will do your part - food, shelter, etc. -
and your teen will need to do his part.
Explain the consequences of ignoring the boundaries and remember -
don't set up any consequences you aren't willing to follow through on.
Following through is everything, whether you are parenting
preschoolers, middle schoolers, or teenagers.
One more part to this parenting point. Your disrespectful teenagers
WILL test your stated boundaries, so be prepared.
Disrespectful teenagers need tough love.
What is tough love? Here's my definition.
|Tough love means doing what is best and right for the other
person. Even when doing so is hard or painful.
The key parenting points to consider here are
Do you see the difference? This can be tricky, I know. Write out some
thoughts, words and actions that you can use to stay focused during
tense times with your teen. If you aren't sure what to do or say in
these moments you are trying to handle a disrespectful teenager, use a
clear parenting resource to help you. Make sure such a resource aligns
with your values and offers you clear instructions.
- doing what IS right.
- NOT "doing what feels right."
Working with troubled teenagers is
tricky, but it can also be rewarding. The clearer you get on the
results you want to see in your family, the more you can guide your
When talking with disrespectful teenagers, keep your tone
Even matter-of-fact. A defiant teen is looking for power and to get
yours, she has learned to push your buttons, probably with great
success. Keeping your voice calm and businesslike lets your teen know
you are in complete control.
Even if you don't feel like you are.
Doing this is simply a matter of unlearning behavior that's not helping
you parent well and learning a few new skills. I know it might sound
overwhelming, but don't give up! If you are willing to learn new
relationship skills, your teen will see that and be forced to make a
decision about how he will respond in turn. Bottom line; keep your
parenting power and in the process, help your teen.
Need more help on this topic? See this very helpful article. Gut Check: Do You Tiptoe around Your Child?
Handle disrespectful teenagers by getting help for yourself.
Are you running in circles trying to manage your disrespectful
teenager? Are you walking on eggshells in your own home? This is no way
Find a parenting mentor. Today.
Besides using clear parenting resources designed to give you specific
help in changing specific behaviors, do yourself a HUGE favor and find
a parenting mentor you can trust
Well, find another adult, either a parent themselves or an adult who
went through a tumultuous and disrespectful time themself (and came out
the other end successfully) and ask them to mentor you through this
season in your life. This will keep your own head and heart clear and
give you the perspective to deal with the disrespect and defiance on
your own home.
This is not an option, in my experience. You need this!
Educate yourself about parenting disrespectful teenagers
and the specific dynamics between you and your teen. This will help you
stay calmer and make wiser decisions, even when you have to handle a
Most importantly, hang in there. Parenting can be tough, but
unbelievably rewarding. You already know that fact in your heart; now
do yourself a favor and start exploring proven options that can help
your family move forward starting today.
If you want to know what parenting program I can recommend that helps
parents with disrespectful teenagers, that would be The Total Transformation program, hands down. Part
of why this program works is because it supports parents extremely
More parenting articles for you...
Dealing with Disrespectful Children
What To Do
With a Disrespectful Kid
Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 29 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms around the globe at www.paintedgold.com.
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