Dinnertime matters

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Are you afraid you are losing connection with your child? Do you know how to stop this loss?

How to start re-building that connection with your child TODAY.

Commit to a proven process that can deliver the results you want.
Collect the tools you'll need to make this happen:
Weekly menu service
Create Dinnertime Magic!
Monthly calendar.
Patience and a great love for your kids.

Do you talk to him and he ignores you?

Do you try to reach out to her and she always has "something better to do?"

These can be scary times for a caring parent.

Raising kids can be tricky. I know. I've been mothering for over 26 years and I'm still in the parenting game with my youngest. Let me share with you a few things I've learned from being in the trenches all these years.

Your kids are desperate for your influence.

And I do mean desperate. They won't say it (they don't even know how), they won't show you and they can't even admit it to themselves. None of that changes the fact that your kids are hungry for your interaction. As the parent, it's up to you to set some effective, firm boundaries and establish your family on solid ground.

Your kids want to respect you.

But you've got to earn it, because then they know they can really trust you to help them with the scary business of life they see looming in front of them. Sure, you know you don't have all the answers, but you certainly know more than they do and, more importantly, you have ideas on where to go to find the answers they may be needing. Simply put, that's your job as a parent.

Being there is going to require time...and that requires sacrifice.

Hands down, parenting is the most challenging job you'll ever undertake. It can also be the most satisfying and rewarding, but only if you make it so by doing all you can to be the best parent you can be. This will require you to make regular sacrifices of time and resources. By the way, if you do this for your family on an ongoing basis, your kids will see that you honor and esteem your family so much that you give up parts of your life for it. That's how they learn that they truly have value and some day, they can pass that along to their kids by being great parents, too.

If you are looking TODAY for a direction to go that will immediately start to bring back connectedness in your family and re-establish relationships, then start with the family dinnertime.

This is a proven, highly effective relational activity that you can start TODAY. If dinnertime went out with the dinosaurs in your home, here's what you need to do.

Make a decision that things are going to change in your home starting NOW. This is the most important part of the process and where most parents give up before they start. But not you.

Go to Dine Without Whine and sign up for their weekly menu planning service. It's extremely affordable and will give you an excellent boost on establishing a regular, healthy dinnertime in your family by letting someone else do all the upfront food and menu planning for you. That way you can get the food on the table and still be ready to focus on your kids.

Then sign up for my dinnertime activities email series called Create Dinnertime Magic! For starters, aim for having dinnertime together as a family 3-4 times a week. You can build upwards from there. Pick one of those nights to have a family dinnertime with added activities. Be creative and customize the ideas I give you in this email series for your own family. Warning! Your family may put up a fuss for the first few weeks. Change is always hard! Stick with it and you'll find success. Remind your kids that this time is for them to share fun with you. It's hard to be overly grumpy when someone is doing something nice for you!

Next get out a calendar and make a commitment to do dinnertime together, in some organized and peaceful fashion at least 4 days a week for the next 90 days. Make it a family commitment and mark off the days on that calendar together. Give yourself a treat as a family as you succeed.

Here are a couple of fantastic dinnertime ideas from another mom who has visited PaintedGold and generously shared her wisdom with us. What ideas can you come up with for your family's new dinnertime after reading Helen's ideas?

"A few years ago, as our family sat at the table at dinnertime, I noticed that our conversations lacked any quality content. I began to look for ideas that would be fun, keep them engaged with each other, and we could possibly learn something in the process.

I came across some critical thinking books that did the trick. We've used two that work for a wide range of ages. They are called "A Case of Red Herrings: Solving Mysteries through Critical Questioning." We have a small white board near the dinner table, and I have one of the children pick one of these scenarios. The other children (and parents) are to ask yes or no questions in order to get the answer.

For instance, the scenario might be:

The car traveled for nearly a mile with a flat tire, yet the driver was unaware of it. How can that be? The children would ask questions until they narrowed down the answer, which is:

The tire was on a new car that was being transported by truck, along with several other new cars, to an auto dealership.

Another one:

Even though he made straight A's in school, Louis was not allowed to graduate with his class. Why?

Although Louis, a talented kindergarten student, made straight A's, his B's and C's were awful, and he didn't know how to write his other letters and numbers. As a result, he was required to repeat kindergarten.
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I have four children that range in age from 7-15 and they all have a fun time participating. Also, I have seen a great improvement on their thinking skills.

I ordered these books from The Critical Thinking Co."

Helen T from Ridgecrest, CA

==> Here's another idea from Helen

"Write out one or two of George Washington's "Rules of Civility" on the white board near the dinner table, and discuss them.

Background: George Washington wrote in his journal when he was about 13 years old, 110 "Rules of Civility" which were to guide him in act and speech at home and abroad. Young George set out to train himself and fit himself for the high place he was to fill. His soul was fixed on high things; he had no low tastes, and he was led by the hand of God.

An example would be: 'In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming noise, nor drum with your fingers or feet.'

We could discuss why that might be. I would hope they would come up with conclusions such as putting others before yourself, paying attention to others, etc..."

Helen T from Ridgecrest, CA

Thanks for sharing, Helen!
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You can see this doesn't need to be complicated, but it does require a little planning and most importantly, commitment. The point is to establish lifelong relationships with your children. Believe me, that deserves every ounce of energy you can put into it.

So get yourself set up with Dine Without Whine and you won't have to wonder every day about the food part of dinner; you can concentrate on your kids instead. Commit yourself to 90 days to turn your family time around. This is a powerful idea, Mom, so make it work for your family! So much is at stake.

And let me know how it goes. I'd love to hear from you.

Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 29 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms around the globe at www.paintedgold.com.

Note from Colleen: Remember, I earn my living making excellent recommendations to you, Mom, so when you choose to click any of the links on this website and make a purchase, I may earn a commission.

Naturally, that means I care about what you think! If you try a product or service I recommend, I'd love to hear from you. How else can I keep my recommendations top notch for all my visitors?

And thank you, for stopping by.

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Updated on November 21, 2011.

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