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Out of control children can turn a household upside down.
Can I ask you a question?
In your home are you walking on eggshells?
Is there far too much...
If that sounds far too familiar, then hope is just around the corner for you. I have found simply asking the question of how to control an out of control child is the perfect starting point for change.
- Going over the same issues again and again?
Are you unsure of what to do next? After checking out the following parenting report information, we'll continue with our discussion of what to do with an out of control child.
Please help! I feel like I've hit a brick wall with my child!
Does your family feel fragmented? Do you long for more closeness?
If this is how you feel, it's not fun, I know. You probably have an idea of what you would like your family life to be like - and it's just not the way you want it.
Thankfully, this is a scenario that you can do something about - and you can start right now.
Before you even try any new strategies for out of control children, here are a couple of things you can use right away to make forward, positive movement in your family. They will help set up a healthy foundation for you to work from.
1. Read through the free short report "10 Ways to Reconnect With Your Family". This report will encourage you to take control of your family's everyday schedule and intentionally build togetherness. You will never regret taking the time and effort to do this and you know what else? Building a tight-knit family means you are automatically empowering your kids to listen to you as they grow and stay close to your influence.
That's what healthy relationships are all about.
IMPORTANT: If you are struggling with an out of control child, you know you need to help your child in his frustrations. If things have just started to get challenging, you may wonder if you even have a problem or not.
2. Print out our Behavior Log. Use it to keep track of your child's behavior for a week or two. Then you'll have a better idea of what you're really dealing with. Doing this one thing can help give you clarity and perspective.
3. Is the situation with your precious child still more than you know how to handle? Then take a deep breath and another step towards finding the right solution for you and your child. Head over to Empowering Parents where you will find an enormous amount of articles and conversation written by common sense experts and other parents who have been in the trenches, too. I have found this can really help.
Programs for out of control children
First, let's take a quick look at some of the more formalized programs for working with an out of control child.
You may already have tried therapy. That can be of enormous help - but usually only if a family is willing to do their part and work quite hard at making some fundamental changes. Always look for a qualified therapist whose values align with your own.
Some people use self-help type programs either alongside therapy or as stand-alone processes. These can be VERY useful because they reinforce the step-by-step behavior and word changes needed to help a child regain self-control. The Total Transformation is one of these programs that I like very much. It has a proven track record with lots and lots of parents, is written by therapists AND it supports parents very well. As a parent myself I know how important it is to have adequate support when you are trying to handle serious parenting issues.
What to do with an out of control child - let's get practical.
Let's back up a bit and talk about some daily things you can do that can help your out of control child regain some self-control.
You've probably heard this one before. Everyone says it; set boundaries so disrespectful children will know how to behave.
The issue is what do you do when your child ignores those boundaries? A child who is exhibiting out of control behavior is already past stopping at boundaries.
So now what?
First of all, boundaries that are being ignored are a sign of a parent who didn't expect to be challenged.
Please read that last sentence again. Slowly. Think about it.
I am not criticizing you. I am sharing with you a simple but powerful truth I have learned myself - the hard way - over nearly thirty years of parenting. When I started expecting my boundaries to be challenged, I started designing better boundaries and better consequences, right from the beginning.
I also had a plan ready for when those boundaries were ran over. And you know what?
My kids started respecting those boundaries.
My children were shocked the first few times that happened. They didn't expect me to be so ready for their behavior. Over time, they even stopped challenging me nearly as often.
They knew I said what I meant and I meant what I said.
So seriously start with boundaries. Experiment and find ones that work for you and your child.
And remember: all children need - crave - effective boundaries; defiant children need them even more.
You've probably heard this one, too. Most of the time I find parents - with out of control children or not - like to TALK about consistency more than they actually like to BE consistent.
This is understandable. But you need to know inconsistency will act as a wrecking ball to your parenting.
An inconsistent parent is an easy mark to an out of control child. This child knows with absolute certainty that getting his way is just a matter of time.
You and I may think that being consistent 99 times out of 100 is excellent odds. But when dealing with out of control children, the rules change.
These are bright, bright kids. 1 time out of 100 and they'll get their way? What a power trip! It's just a matter of running the numbers and in fact, the harder and faster they misbehave the closer they come to getting their goal. See how they're thinking?
Hm. Changes your perspective, doesn't it?
Here's an excellent question. What about medication? How to control an out of control child with meds? Is that even possible? Or a good idea? Here's an article that might interest you and give you food for thought. Out of Control Behavior: Should I Medicate My Child?
Asking what to do with an out of control child is the first step towards finding a solution that will work for you and your child. Keep asking! Keep searching! Keep praying! Keep working with your child to find the combination of solutions that will help move your child forward.
Remember, making movement forward is a wonderful thing. You are aiming for measurable progress, not perfection. You can do this, Mom or Dad! You are the best cheerleader and coach your child has. Gather your courage, dig up excellent resources and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 29 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms around the globe at www.paintedgold.com.
Note from Colleen: Remember, I earn my living making excellent recommendations to you, Mom, so when you choose to click any of the links on this website and make a purchase, I may earn a commission.
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