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Out of control teenagers. Do you have one in your home?
Are you afraid of your own child?
Are you unsure of what to do next? Keep reading for more answers
concerning out of control teens.
While there is no magic bullet when it comes to handling an out of
control teenager, there are definitely some concrete things you can do
to bring calm back into your home.
- Take a look at your schedule.
What is your teen's schedule and what is yours? Do they ever
Out of control teenagers often SAY they want nothing to do with
But the real story is often different.
I once had a professional counselor tell me that the #1 thing she heard
from her clients -- many of whom were out of control teens -- was that
they didn't get to spend enough time with their parents.
One-on-one time. Close, personal time.
This counselor related that these teens often had tears in their eyes
as they reported what appeared to them to be rejection on the
part of their parents.
Do you think the parents of these troubled teens thought they were
rejecting their sons and daughters?
I'll bet not!
Invite yourself into your teen's life. Not as a buddy, but as the
incredibly interested parent that you are.
With one of my children, I used to sprawl on his bed while he was
hanging out in his room. Just for sporadic chat. Sometimes there was a
lot of silence.
What I learned was after 30 minutes he started talking about all kinds
of things in his life.
What are you missing in your teen's life?
We get help for out of control teenagers because they can drive us
And exhaust us.
So, let me ask you. Who are you talking to about
your parenting challenges?
You may confide in a qualified therapist, a clergy or other
professional. Make sure your values align with whomever you talk to or
your conversations will lead to more confusion and frustration instead
Something that has worked well for me over the years is to find a
mentor (or mentors) to come alongside me in my parenting.
Simply look around you and find another parent whose parenting skills
you respect. Maybe you can see that they intuitively understand teens
and they use parenting skills that you could use, too, if you only knew
Or maybe you know another parent that has gone through the same out
of control family life you're experiencing and has come out the other
Ask one or two of these parents out for coffee, tell them a bit about
what your concerns are as a parent and ask if they would mentor you
while you're going through this tough time with your out-of-control
==> Be willing to adapt your parenting style to
what may work better.
- Educate yourself on handling an out of control teenager.
==> Be willing to listen to someone who can help.
==> Invest in resources that can help you raise
your teen. Books, tapes, courses, workshops, etc. Get a library card
and use it. Yes, some resources will cost you money. Some will not.
The point is that your parenting priorities need to be straight in
order for your parenting efforts to bear good fruit.
For example, you may give your teen every electronic gadget he asks for
but doesn't need. None of those gadgets, no matter how fun or useful,
will help your teen learn respect or make you a better parent. Where
could you put even a portion of that money instead that would
make a difference in your family life?
What to do with your out of control teenager? It may mean doing
some new and hard things in order to move into a position of peace in
your home again.
Isn't that worth the effort? What price of money or time or energy can
you put on a happy home and a quality relationship with your teenager?
Remember, you can't control your out of control teen, but you can exert
an extraordinarily positive and powerful influence in their young life.
Do your part and show them the way.
After that, it really is up to your teen.
If you want to know what parenting program I can recommend that
helps parents with struggling kids, including help with out of control
teenagers, that would be The Total Transformation program, hands down. Part
of why this program works is because it supports parents extremely
well. I cannot overestimate how important I believe getting parental
support is when you are dealing with these kinds of tricky challenges.
Trust me! Encouragement, support and high quality resources make a
difference! Want to walk together for a bit as you work through these parenting sticky issues? Sign up for my ezine "I Love My Child" (sign up box above) and we'll get started right away.
More parenting articles for you.
Tough Love for Teenagers
Problems of Many High School
Advice for Parenting Problem Teenagers
Program for Troubled Teens
Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 29 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms around the globe at www.paintedgold.com.
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