Thumbsucking

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• Less nagging?
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As a mom, are you concerned about thumbsucking?

Here are some things I have learned about thumbsucking after four kids and 26 years of parenting.

• As I mentioned above, thumbsucking is totally natural for a baby. We've all seen the ultrasound photos of babies sucking their thumbs while still in the womb. If you'd rather introduce a pacifier, go ahead, but individual children will, in the end, choose what feels best to them. All four of our kids rejected pacifiers in favor of their thumbs.

• Thumbsucking is a personal issue for a child. You're messing with serious stuff when you, as the parent, start making noise about your child's thumbsucking habit. Therefore, be careful what you say! Your child already understands you have a LOT of influence over his young life (in fact, he likes it that way), so it's extremely easy for power struggles to get started over challenges like thumbsucking. If this happens, you'll have a much harder time getting him to stop. Think of it this way. What's your favorite habit? What if someone you admired and who you don't like to disappoint told you to stop it...now? How would you feel?
• Take a long-term approach when it's time to quit this habit. If your child drops the thumbsucking overnight, great. But don't be surprised if letting go of this habit takes a long, long time. There's more going on than just thumbsucking in your young child's life. There are a lot of developmental issues going on, too, most of which your child does not comprehend. You can nag and complain to your child for months or even years about stopping this habit, or you can develop a strategy of working with your child and powerfully show them exactly how to break an undesirable habit in their life. That's a life skill some of us never learn.
• Be on your child's side. Be understanding and patient. Yes, you're a firm parent, but in this instance your influence will go further if your child senses you truly understand what they're going through. This also helps to keep the ball squarely in your child's court, where it belongs. See, you are not stopping thumbsucking...your child is. She must own this habit before she can release it.
• This is a great opportunity to fine-tune how you work with your child on any important issue. Thumbsucking is only the beginning, believe me. Do you want years of frustration ahead of you over homework, friends, toys, dating, etc? This is your chance to show your precious little one a bit about growing up, about moving out of her comfort zone, about trusting you (and by extension, other authority figures), about training oneself, and so on.

To stop thumbsucking, give these ideas a try.

• You can try the tried-and-true methods, if you like, such as painting a nasty tasting substance on your child's thumb or distracting him when you notice his thumb in his mouth. The trouble with these methods is that they both work and don't work. Like a lot of things in life, if your child is ready and willing to stop thumbsucking, almost any method will work. But if he is not ready to be cooperative, very few ideas will work.
• I found a good place to start with my preschooler was to broaden her awareness a bit. For example, in a  matter-of-fact way, I would point out to her when I noticed another child her age deal with being fussy or tired or bored but not suck their thumb. I would ask, had she ever thought of doing things differently? This type of conversation will encourage a child to think for themselves and begin the process of owning their habit.
• Talk about what they might do instead of thumbsucking. Ask if you can be their ally in the process and remind them of these alternatives. Make lists, charts, or whatever they get excited about. Don't be surprised at failure. Brush it off, give a hug and assure them they'll do better next time.
• We would set a timer for 10 minutes of no-thumb time. I started out with a very short time because I wanted to guarantee success. I usually heard "wow, that was easy and fast." Gradually, we increased the time for not thumbsucking and ignored the other times of sucking. Using this method without nagging (which is the tricky part) I found my child moved fairly quickly and painlessly to only thumbsucking at night.
• Nighttime thumbsucking is often more challenging to be done with. So be even more patient. Again, your child must cooperative with this process or you've lost the battle!
• All of my children had 'lovies', a favorite blanket or toy that they had attached to at a young age and now used, along with thumbsucking, to comfort themselves. One of my kids made this whole process easy by only thumbsucking when he had his lovey. So we gently weaned him off the lovey and the thumbsucking stopped automatically. Take a look at your own situation for devices you can use to you and your child's advantage.
• Consider what your child is interested in and make that a part of this process. For instance, my youngest daughter loved her baby dolls and so we began "Girl's Club" when it was time to give up nighttime thumbsucking. Every night, my daughter would bring me several band-aids that I would help her place on her own thumb, her dolly's thumb, her older sister's thumb and my thumb. One night we talked Daddy into being a part of Girl's Club, too! This way when my daughter felt melancholy about giving up her beloved habit, we could all commiserate together. Being a part of a group was easier for her than giving up thumbsucking on her own. It took months for this to work (we even had to add band-aids on both thumbs for awhile as she took to sucking her other thumb while she was sleeping), but we didn't give up (another great life lesson) and it eventually worked just fine. (CAUTION - you won't want to use this method on little ones who might put their thumbs in their mouth and choke on the band-aids.)
• Along the same lines as the above paragraph, is the idea of supporting and encouraging your little one to 'teach' his stuffed animals to stop thumbsucking. He'll feel more responsible for his own behavior when he's in charge of helping others. If your child has younger siblings, encouraging him to be a 'big boy' role model can be powerful. Just remember, while he probably likes the idea of being so important he doesn't always FEEL like a big boy and when he has the inevitable slip-up he can give up altogether unless you are there as his matter-of-fact cheerleader.

Thumbsucking is only one of many hurdles you and your child will be tackling together.

Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with 25 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms at http://www.paintedgold.com.