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Trouble potty training your preschooler?
Almost all kids go through some sort of potty training problem. I have toilet trained 4 kids of my own, 2 boys and 2 girls, and we overcame multiple episodes of resistance and regression.
- We dealt with intentionally peeing and pooping in underwear right after I've asked "do you need to go potty?"
- We dealt with seemingly making progress only to regress and threats to put them back into diapers.
- We have done a potty training reward chart over and over again.
- We have tried big boy - big girl underwear and all kinds of potty training rewards.
- I have helped preschoolers clean out their underwear in the toilet when they "forgot" or "didn't want to" put it in the potty chair.
- I have watched initial excitement fade to boredom when it comes to the potty training process until, in effect, we were not potty training any more.
There were many moments I was frustrated, exasperated and out of patience while have trouble potty training. Sound familiar?
However, through perserverance and some new understanding, each of my children were able to move forward and complete toilet training successfully.
So whether you're having trouble potty training a 3 year old, a 4 year old, or any age child, here are some hard-won potty training lessons I am happy to share with you now.
Having trouble potty training means getting your child over some obstacles.
Obstacles in toilet training usually refer to one or more of the following:
- Being stuck. "We began training and seemed to make good progress but now she's not even interested and doesn't attempt to stay clean or dry."
- Actual potty training regression which is highly frustrating.
Solve these potty training issues with an open mind, lots of patience and a firm commitment to the potty training process.
First make sure there's no specific reason why your child is regressing. Stress, fatigue, boredom and lack of attention are all reasons for regression. Address any issues you find.
Then make a potty training plan. If you need help doing this, I suggest getting a comprehensive potty training guide that will walk you through the entire process.
Do NOT facillitate your child's stalled state by going back into diapers. This usually causes confusion and you will only compound your trouble potty training.
Potty training aids and rewards are a great idea, but they must be used correctly and in a focused way or kids come to expect them and they lose their value.
I have found that using several rewards or potty training toys and cycling through them, removing each one at the first sign of boredom and re-introducing it in a creative way later on in the potty training process when needed is more effective.
And once you have established a potty training schedule stick with it. It needs to become the "new" normal for your child in order to establish strong bathroom habits.
- Open rebellion. Having your preschooler openly defy you by peeing and pooping - anywhere - but his potty chair.
Not potty training because of open rebellion is tougher to deal with because you have entered into a power struggle with your child. And this is one power struggle your child will win. Guaranteed.
Why? Because you cannot MAKE your child go pee or poop where you want her to, when you want her to and she knows it.
So back off. Way off.
You need to discover the roots of the rebellion. Why is your child angry at you? Why is your relationship working this way? This is important info not just to correct the potty training trouble but for your entire relationship.
Then you need to do a potty training restart complete with a strategic plan that depends upon your child wanting to get toilet trained. So you need to figure out what would cause your 3 year old or 4 year old to WANT to be potty trained because this needs to be his idea. You are there for support.
For parents in this position, I suggest you RUN and get a copy of "Potty Training Secrets Exposed" as it can help you walk through some solutions to rebellion in potty training.
- Simple confusion. Your child seems to understand everything you are expecting her to do and she appears to be cooperative, but accidents happen continuously and your child is getting upset that she's not pleasing you.
This usually happens if you begin potty training your child too early, before she's ready.
To solve this potty training trouble, first of all, stop the process and take a breather. For both of you.
You need to start by making sure your preschooler is showing potty training readiness cues. These are simple signs that your child is physically and emotionally mature enough to begin potty training. Usually by the time a child is 3 1/2 to 4, they have shown many readiness signs unless there is a medical problem, of course. When in doubt, always consult your peditrician to rule out a medical situation.
Not potty training due to confusion is resolved by going over the basics of toilet training until your child gets a firm grasp of what you expect. Usually the best way to do this is through the use of modeling.
Has your child actually watched you or your spouse (whichever is the same gender) use the bathroom? Had a chance to ask and get answers to her potty questions? This is vital information for a confused potty trainee.
Assuming your child knows exactly what you are taking about when you tell him to use the potty seat, then train a doll or a favorite stuffed animal to correctly and happily use the potty chair. Let your child help you "teach" the doll; this takes the pressure off of your child but helps him understand exactly what you're looking for.
Beyond that, be on a strict potty schedule (going every hour or 2) until you see improvement. Matter of factly talk about how other children potty train as they grow, too, and what a good thing that is.
Reasonably praise all positive movement in this process. Once a confused child understands what's really going on, he usually progresses from not potty training at all to fully toilet trained, happily and quickly.
Trouble potty training can be overcome.
You can do this! Potty training can be a positive experience for you and your child. Even if your child is not potty trained by 3 or 4, relax, he or she will be trained! It will happen! And you will have your share of potty training stories to share with other parents who are also having trouble potty training.
Remember, toilet training is only the first of many times you and your child will need to work together to learn a new skill. This is what parenting is all about! So take a deep breath, learn all you can about the process and dive in. You'll find it's definitely worth all the hard work.
Popular potty training topics.
Potty Training Child
A list of all of our articles to help you while potty training your child.
Toilet Training Tips
Many times just one new piece of toilet training advice that I hadn't considered before was just the help I needed to help my child over a potty training hump.
Potty Training Boy
Additional tips to help if you are potty training a boy (I've trained two boys myself).
Potty Training Girls
Specific tips to help potty training for girls move smoothly (I've trained two girls myself).
Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 29 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms around the globe at www.paintedgold.com.
Note from Colleen: Remember, I earn my living making excellent recommendations to you, Mom, so when you choose to click any of the links on this website and make a purchase, I may earn a commission.
Naturally, that means I care about what you think! If you try a product or service I recommend, I'd love to hear from you. How else can I keep my recommendations top notch for all my visitors?
And thank you, for stopping by.
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